Lent, as we know, is a time of resolutions. Come Ash Wednesday, not a few of us come up with a whole list of disciplines to mark Lent as a truly penitential season--a season of less to prepare for more. We all give up meat on Fridays, and some give up meat for the entire 40 days. Traditionally, I always give up iced-tea. Iced-tea is my absolute favorite beverage, so to go without it is not easy; then again, it isn't the worst thing in the world. These kinds of resolutions are helpful, because they're little reminders that this time of Lent is special. They also recall the Lord's own self-denial as he prayed in the wilderness alone--preparing for his ministry.
Some of us "take up" practices, too. We resolve to pray the rosary more, or to attend daily mass when we can. Some choose a particular book for spiritual reading, others take on charitable works. These are all very good, too--because they feed our souls and strengthen us to continue these good things even after Lent is ended. One of the things I have "taken up" has been listening to the New Testament every day, with the goal of listening to the entire NT by Good Friday. So far, I'm at the end of the Acts of the Apostles.
The number one resolution that I have seen the need for has been the need for more silence in my life. Again, I realize that I have been too much like St. Martha, busy with many good things, but not busy about the one needful thing--the keeping of company with the Lord. St. Mary of Bethany, therefore, has become my Lenten model.
Yesterday was as busy as most days, and in all the right ways. I had wonderful conversations with friars, students, and friends. But even in the midst of these fun interactions, I felt the familiar hunger for a conversation with God. It reminds me of a scene described in St. Faustina's diary. She's out dancing with her sister and friends and realized that she wasn't really having fun. She wanted, instead, to sit with God.
So, I slowed down long enough before vespers (evening prayer) to sit and invite God into my mind and heart. Sure enough, I began to see a very powerful and important image for me--the vision of myself walking with God. The scene was in a field on a large piece of property. In fact, it was the property of the father from the story of the Prodigal Son. I could hear the music of the party they were throwing for the long-lost son, and the happy noise of the party goers. Even so, God the Father and I were walking in the opposite direction. It was evening, and the sun was low, but there was still light enough to walk around and enjoy the quiet of the field. The joy of the moment was my being next to him, my father, and to know that he recognized me as his son. To be in his company was the purest joy.
This image for me is so important, because it explains to everyone my own thoughts on heaven. It explains for others why I am a consecrated religious. The whole center of my life is walking with God who is Father. There is nothing I want more than to spend my life walking with him, being faithful to him, and growing more in his image. This is what I see as the purpose of the Incarnation and Pentecost--that is, the coming of the Word and the Spirit--that is, the teaching of humanity how to yearn to be in the company of the Father. The Lord Jesus was completely oriented toward the Father during his ministry on earth, as is the Spirit. They both draw us closer to the Father, and so to healing and wholeness.
There are some today who would like to blur the image of the Father, and make God more androgynous--and don't get me wrong, I think there is a place for feminine imagry for God--but I think it's important for us to sit with the image of God that tradition has handed on to us first, and to dive into the richness of the meaning of that image. I, for example, don't think that it was an accident that when St. Matthew records our Lord's Sermon on the Mount he only has Jesus refer to God as "Your Father in Heaven".
No matter what our experiences might be with biological or adoptive fathers, God who is Father is different--he is perfect. He teaches us, defends us, chastises us, and forgives us. He waits for us patiently. He walks with us unseen, and suffers with us willingly. We, as St. Paul put it, live and move and have our being in him--and so he is our very purpose, and the answer to our deepest existential questions.
The image of walking beside the Father I had yesterday in prayer only lasted a little while. It was only a visualization of the reality I aspire to--but it was enough to remind me, again, of the purpose of Lent: the drawing near to God. As the reading from St. James declared: "Give in to God; resist the devil and he will take flight. Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you...Be humbled in the sight of the Lord and he will raise you on high." (James 4:7-8, 10)
May God give us the grace to draw close to him, and to walk with him all our days.
Br. Paul, OP~



